Thereof the Book of Love
I’m about to break a promise, or really an oath, but I was six when I made it so I think technically the statute of limitations has bound to have run out by now. It’s a well known fact, though hard to substantiate, that at some point in their young lives, girls are given a handbook on boys. This tome is passed from mother to daughter, sister to sister, over countless generations. Chapter One, as you would imagine, is Deception 101, Keeping Your Copy Away from Boys, and so far I’d say we’ve done a passable job with that one.
To be fair, there is a handbook on girls, or at least there was. Boys being boys, somewhere in the 1500’s there was a typo in the How to Stuff Thine Codpiece section, rocks being accidentally substituted for socks, and the publications popularity began to fade. In the 1730’s it was discovered that the book would burn unusually brightly, then make a noise like “a flatulating bovine.” All remaining copies disappeared overnight. A once great book gone, not with a bang, but with a toot.
Not confirming or denying the existence of the surviving publication for females, I would like to address chapters 6-89, How to Drive Men Crazy in Fifty-Six Easy Steps. Specifically, Chapter 19, Inducing Panic on Valentine’s Day, a Primer. Actually, I really just want to address section J
(1) What you Really Want, and How to Avoid Getting It.
French Fries. We want French Fries for Valentine's Day. That and a bottle of champagne to go with it. And, ignoring the advice on page 567, the fries should be freshly made in an air fryer or better yet, right from a deep fryer. As the book says, “not too limp, not too crispy, do it right and we’ll get frisky.” What other motivation do you need?
If you’re cooking for your Valentine this year, and they are a seafood lover, here is a can’t fail recipe that will make them swoon. Provided they like tuna, and if they don’t, just end it now, they are telling you everything you need to know about them. Seriously, they will be impressed, but don’t tell them how easy it is to make. (Just passing that tip to the guys here, girls knew that from chapter one.)
Quick Engagement Tuna
1 large frying pan
Two tuna steaks, good quality, but you can use frozen
Sesame oil
Montreal Steak Seasoning
Black sesame seeds
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
Fresh lemon wedge
Topping:
3 tablespoons butter
3 cloves minced or finely chopped garlic
1 teaspoon fresh rosemary
Heat pan to medium high. While heating, rinse tuna and pat dry, and coat with sesame oil. Sprinkle generously with Montreal steak seasoning and black sesame seeds. Pat each side to help the ingredients stick.
Combine toppings in a small bowl.
Add oil to the pan, then add tuna after the oil shimmers. Cook for 90 seconds each side so the outside edge is white, a crust forms, and it’s pink in the middle. Remove to a plate to rest and cover with foil.
After two minutes, heat the pan again and add topping, stirring until butter just starts to brown, about 2-3 minutes. Pour over tuna, hit with a squeeze of fresh lemon juice, and serve.
Notes: you can use the tuna steak whole (best when you cook it medium to well done), or sliced in strips (best when on the rare side.) A great and easy side dish is Trader Joe’s frozen mushroom or asparagus risotto, it’s ready from freezer to plate in about 15 minutes.
And don’t forget the fries!
